Short and sweet …one, two and three.
My grandmother from the Dominican Republic, Ocoa always said in spanish ” Mejor sola que mala encompan~ada.” Sorry I couldn’t figure out how to make the n in en com pa nada a spanish n to make the nia sound. Anyways the saying in english would go as followed; Better off alone than with bad company. Obviously referring to a man in your life. Or woman because I’ve seen some good guys with horrible girlfriends or wifes sad to say. Never the less here we are today in a world and society that trades the new in for the old so fast not working through problems together. It is so easy to run to social media now a days and bash one another and show off. Enough with the rambling, the point for tonight technically this early morning as it is 1:14a.m. to be exact. Is THE LORD WORKS WONDERS. Really sometimes it’s hard to find the good in the little things maybe others would look over. Prime example a gorgeous, sweet, feisty, beautiful and young mother of the dearest most amazing little girl friend of mine passed away (tragically, murdered let me add in a disarray of events) a year after the father of my three SONs died. And her daughters father Vinny went to grade school with me so we go way back. A little background to know the history to set the tone for the example. We had a conversation Vinny and I about the celebration of life for British. He was upset about the Old leather jacket and green dress she wore in the casket were her body laid. Deep breath because this is hard for me to work through grief… And pissed off because why wasn’t she dressed in the best of the best brand new sparkling clean fresh fit because one thing about Mr. Hughes is he will make it happen by any means necessary. He yelled “I bought those clothes for her years ago!” pissed the fuck off, at that moment I had to stop him because wait a minute let’s take the good in the little thing here. One he bought the clothes, two he loved her like no other and three what better to be laid to rest than to be close to the one you loved forevermore. She was blessed to be dressed in the clothes he bought her because they were special to her. Since she still had them years after he bought them for her obviously she was quite fond of the items since she still had them around? Right? I try and find the good in the bad as much as I can. Also I would like to share a quick experience I had. Because how easy is it to talk about other peoples hurt when maybe you yourself have something hurting you. Hurting the world a sensitive topic abortion. If the option wasn’t there would it be so readily available? To kill a part of yourself… This amazing being growing inside of a woman in the Holy scriptures it says,
Psalm 139:13-18 New International Version (NIV)
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
So, I recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. Here again unmarried having yet another baby out-of-wedlock this one makes 5 children for me. The shame, disappointment, financially out right in poverty for sure. Single mother yet brave to keep the child even though I know I am looked at as a disgrace to some people in society. Because as a Christian I believe God will provide and make a way. His plans are greater than ever could I imagine. And how easy would it be to take a pill and let the shame flush down the toilet or run off bloody into my panties a tiny being a miracle God’s creation if I just let it be and grow inside of me. The choices shouldn’t have to be that of a choice heartache devastation. And yes as a christian I should not have sex before marriage true and kudos to those lucky enough to have been blessed with better choices better life. If it was up to me I would’ve been married at 17 years old and had all of Timothy’s babies lived on a farm with chickens and ducks and went fishing all the time. Yet God knew my life already before I made the bed where I lay in like it or not. I love my life at times and hate it wish I was dead in heaven listening to Tupac sitting next to Mary Magdalene breaking bread with Jesus. What can I say hello I’m sure God didn’t send Jesus down here for nothing duh he knew sinners like us. ME. Need the extra help along the way not saying go ahead sinning God forgives us yet we live in our flesh. Flesh is sinful gotta fight it till the day I die. Repent pray is all I have left to say about that one. A little twisted I know still working on it. I’ve only been baptized for less than two years and was thrown out of the church I attended due to some pompous, judgemental white people. Not literally but I felt like they did. The holy ghost works in my life I would not have made it thus far if it wasn’t for a special specific reason. Okay looking back on some of the things I wrote just now a little blaming others anger and resentment co out sure, take it how you want to take it I will still always be Keila. This short and sweet is dragging out. But I’m having fun and hope whomever is reading this is touched in some way or another. We all fall short and a sin is a sin. God will be the judge of it all. Story short I went to the clinic on the West side down the street from my little casita. I sat alone in the clinic room as the midwife entered in with an elderly student I was fine with her tagging along the midwife. So, I went to a midwife because I thought I would be safer for my “unwanted” pregnancy “they” call it for a check up. First visit should be exciting full of love. NO not for me and this is how it went down….Midwife enters the room with her side kick looks at me sees I’m not jumping for joy no father next to me supporting me holding my hand kissing my cheek. Finger bare hat on bad hair day painting the picture here… asks me some brief questions small talk about asthma how we ALL need air to breath, then explains to me she’s seen my situation before informs me that ABORTION is the number one leading procedure among woman in America and hands me a list A FULL PAGE of where I can go to “take care of my problem”????!!!!!!! WTF am I swore she said earlier that we ALL need air to BREATH and LIVE but here’s a list of places to go it’s still early enough to take the pill ABORTION pill without them having to suck the life out of me LITERALLY. Come on now a sin is a sin I get it I slept with him once unprotected now here I am with child. But to cover a sin on top of a sin tho shall not kill. Enough is enough the pain I bare. Then here comes Jesus to save the day because only God knows what I can handle as I walk out of the valley of death peering down on me I
walk into the light as I see my dominican family an aunt and uncle of mine waiting to be seen in the lobby of the clinic, and it was my birthday they wished me happy birthday because my mother let me breath and across seas back in the day they had tens of kids running around playing it’s cool to have kids. They welcomed the news of my fifth child as a rewarding blessing warm smiles hugs and laughter. Una mujer fuerte con responsabilidades. Ugh sTMI yet it is the truth. Plus look at the real title here changing the mess into greatness. Somebody has to talk about the bad, ugly and the GOOD. That’s all folks. Till next time… Be great and the best you can be. For me I’mma keep shining …this little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine. Jesus take the wheel…