In this world we live in, Who can we trust?

So, Good evening to my late readers. Kudos to those of you that have tucked your children in tight and read them a good night story book. Kissed the kids to sleep. Or watered your plants lock your doors. Feed the cat or dog. We, I love both types of people. Who is out there? Ha, ha, not even funny.

Let me tell y’all like an open book what just happened to me. I went on an interview / date? It was at Subway like at 8 am or something like that whenever they open up.  I literally , fell on the couch laughing so hard “he” wanted to take me out to eat at Subway? I was thinking something better than that. Steak and eggs perhaps. Mind you shits and giggles who even makes these things up?  Well anyways so this guy charming, handsome, tall chocolate. Wink, wink. At least in his pictures he was more fit like muscle-bound. Shaking my head laughing out loud because I can hear my mom’s voice in my head saying “Keila, How do you even meet these guys?!” (crying _) Horrible not always but sometimes, Yes. Ugh please I kept my legs closed mom …be proud of me for once. And I know she is from time to time I’ve made it thus far and still alive. See, God has a plan for me bigger then the eye can see. Plus, I’m already pregnant for crying out loud. Do not be offended Keeping it real. Okay. But fine as I am as Rico would say “When God created you he was looking at heaven.” Oh yeah! Feeling myself right now even though I’m all alone!!!! Large let me add due to my pregnancy circumstances. Because I sent the kids to Grandma’s house the three oldest and Joshua my youngest with his kin folks and them. Taking VERY good care of him let me add. I called my sister because I realized I’m older now and all the sudden my wish came true. It’s peacefully quiet, yet too quiet I got scared and now I’m rambling on and on for no reason other than. This is fun and giving me something to do. Back to my story the SCAM I think I’ve put myself in hopefully not fingers crossed. I’ll wake up in the morning and everything will be okay. Long story short I filled out an application with this guy I met quiet frankly pretty skinny actually in real life. And I gave him my full social security number! On the application. WHY?!, What?!! The…. WHo does that?! ugh me. Stupid, stupid ol me. Too trusting of others yet who knows. Maybe I’ m making a big deal out of nothing. Praying he just gives me back my application. Without copying my SS#. down to scam me down the road. But really, if he gets anything from it can we split it? Cause at this point I can’t even get a loan let alone a new outfit as broke as I am at this point in my life. Breath in breath out. God’s got me and that’s all that counts. I know JESUS lives in my heart my soul is safe. If you don’t know about God and Jesus here is your chance.  We can Pray this simple prayer together.

Dear God my Heavenly father, Hello my name is ________, you already knew that from all the hairs on my head from the time I was woven in my mother’s womb you knew me, I pray tonight you let your son Jesus Christ in my heart to stay for ever more the good, take the evil out and replenish my soul forever more I am yours to keep thank you for everything you’ve done in my life, Amen. In Jesus name we ask these things together as one. Amen.

Before I end this story I would also like to say that night after I ate at Subway in the morning. I realized it was Timothy’s SIX year DEATH anniversory for us. Tim is the father of my three oldest sons he died in April 2013. Yet he used to work at Subway and it’s the small things keeping him alive in my memory. We found true love on the West Side made a family together. His dynasty lives on till this day. Greif is real, the struggle is realer and the strength I carry on rises.

John 3:16 For GOD so loved the world that he gave his one and  only son for who so ever believe in him shall not p erish but have everlasting life.

Read John 1:9

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19


I miss my Joshua.

Good evening to my followers if there are any left by now. I Wish I had a big enough house and car to fit all of my family in it right now. Every day I strive for better days. I want to hug my Abuela AKA MAMA. Thank you everybody who cares keep it up We love you.

Court Tomorrow in the A.m.

This is my life. Do I scream and shout. No,
I, suck it up and deal with it. Because I do NOT have a choice. A letter in the mail on the counter on the table my son missed too many days of school. Oh WOW okay now here we go… But he was getting bullied. Why? Maybe Because he is too cute? Fine. I say so. Now wow again. I sign it and go along my day. With a million other things going on.

Six months pregnant and they are still draggin’ me to court. But in a perfect world. Where would I be? If I would’ve let them just cut the baby out of me. I am so sad that our world has to come to this. Why? I ask myself. I would like to tell you all a story about a woman I met downtown.

I was once fleeing down the sky ways as a run a way child. That is why I know how to get around. As tears come down my face I give it one more taste. And as an adult the secrets I now keep the things I’ve done just to get some sleep. To make ends meet to please the court to pay my fines to pay my rent. My lights. The energy assitance I cant even spell it out right now. As I am dripping in tears from the pain I’ve felt. When will it stop? My best friend took her life and I know why. As she told me how her 5 year old daughter got molested by her sisters boyfriend raped at such a young age. Innocent to the touch. I reached out lost and missed out to late for the in the nick of time. I plead out. Guilty for the crimes they have caught me in. Let’s take a moment of silence for her and her daughter. Don’t get it mixed up or twisted. Read it again if you have to. But no it was not me. This is a true story. One of the few upon thousands that I carry. In and out is what I share.  A relief of time to get it all out in the air. Peace be with you and me too. And I didn’t even get to the story. One day you all will have to check out a book I write about it all. Thank you and Good night

Bail “out”.

Taking charge of ones life. No matter what people think about you.  I am a mother, I am strong, I take risks, I take chances, I make mistakes, I am okay not being perfect. Or am I?


Hello and good morning early morning as it is 3:32am. My lovely job called to ask if I wanted a Holiday? Why, YES! Of course and I still get paid. Hugs and kisses thanking the good Lord above because only he knows the struggle I faced yesterday. It was a cold snowy day. Chitter chatter the rain is turning into a splatter as it freezes and turns into snow before it hits the ground. As I waited on the bus stop freezing cold with only one glove on. I needed some Different gel for my face because it broke out. Like really all the way in my 30’s? I thought only teens had acne was I way wrong about that. On a brighter note hopefully my body is confused and youthful haha. I win, let’s just leave it at that. I cannot find my cord to charge my laptop but my pretty Rose Gold IPhone will do the trick. Keeping it real I still sometimes live in a fantasy. With sunshine clear water and beaches eating mangos on the beach. Kiss kiss to my grandmother (Abuelita aka Mama) I’m sure back in her day she lived that fantasy out. I can only imagine how my father was conceived. Poor guy. Not to put him on blast but I’m not sure if he ever had a father? Very sad. I will text my dad in the am despite the way I feel about a few things in his past I still love him. I know the struggle was real for him. Mr. Juan telling me stories about how he didn’t have shoes on his feet until he was a teenager. Fought for food etc… a hard life living in a third world country. As an American the little things we take for granite. Like hair gel back in the Dominican Republic my cousins used to use egg whites to style their hair. Anyways way off topic finally getting to the point. Because it’s not here nor there as I’m looking around pouting about my situation. Wherever I was going with that I don’t know. What I do know is my sponsor Miss Pat is amazing! As much as I tried to push her away she has been there with me through thick and thin. She most definitely deserves some good credit here. A beautiful woman caring nurturing amazing did I say that already. God puts people in our path for a lifetime. I’m blessed to have her to lean on for support. When everyone gave up on me or kicked me out my programs she had let me correct that has… my back. No judgment and goes with the flow. A real life traveler I think she’s got it down to a science. If I ever win the lottery I would buy her a fancy car. Guess you have to play it to win it. And I don’t like throwing my money away. But nevertheless I am blessed. The heart aches and pain. Oh also I was adulting yesterday paying off some credit card bills ughhh what a nag in the butt. But I also know in a sentence you shouldn’t say but because it erases everything you have said. However the nice Asian lady I spoke with in collections was so sweet and I made her day as she made mine with great conversation and a Christ like spirit. So I paid off some debt even though I felt like they had ripped me off in the past. And made her cross her heart hope to die if she was lying about my balance and we laughed. Well my phone is at 10% better call it a night/ morning. Good things come to those that wait.


Bible verse of the day via Biblegateway

God thundereth marvellously with his voice; great things doeth he, which we cannot comprehend. For he saith to the snow, Be thou on the earth; likewise to the small rain, and to the great rain of his strength.

Job 37:5-6 KJV

Amen to a new day full of Gods grace.

Short and sweet…

Short and sweet …one, two and three.

My grandmother from the Dominican Republic, Ocoa always said in spanish ” Mejor sola que mala encompan~ada.” Sorry I couldn’t figure out how to make the n in en com pa nada a spanish n to make the nia sound. Anyways the saying in english would go as followed; Better off alone than with bad company. Obviously referring to a man in your life. Or woman because I’ve seen some good guys with horrible girlfriends or wifes sad to say. Never the less here we are today in a world and society that trades the new in for the old so fast not working through problems together. It is so easy to run to social media now a days and bash one another and show off. Enough with the rambling, the point for tonight technically this early morning as it is 1:14a.m. to be exact. Is THE LORD WORKS WONDERS. Really sometimes it’s hard to find the good in the little things maybe others would look over. Prime example a gorgeous, sweet, feisty, beautiful and young mother of the dearest most amazing little girl friend of mine passed away (tragically, murdered let me add in a disarray of events) a year after the father of my three SONs died. And her daughters father Vinny went to grade school with me so we go way back. A little background to know the history to set the tone for the example. We had a conversation Vinny and I about the celebration of life for British. He was upset about the Old leather jacket and green dress she wore in the casket were her body laid. Deep breath because this is hard for me to work through grief… And pissed off because why wasn’t she dressed in the best of the best  brand new sparkling clean fresh fit because one thing about Mr. Hughes is he will make it happen by any means necessary. He yelled “I bought those clothes for her years ago!”  pissed the fuck off, at that moment I had to stop him because wait a minute let’s take the good  in the little thing here. One he bought the clothes, two he loved her like no other and three what better to be laid to rest than to be close to the one you loved forevermore. She was blessed to be dressed in the clothes he bought her because they were special to her. Since she still had them years after he bought them for her obviously she was quite fond of the items since she still had them around? Right? I try and find the good in the bad as much as I can. Also I would like to share a quick experience I had. Because how easy is it to talk about other peoples hurt when maybe you yourself have something hurting you. Hurting the world a sensitive topic abortion. If the option wasn’t there would it be so readily available? To kill a part of yourself… This amazing being growing inside of a woman in the Holy scriptures it says,

Psalm 139:13-18 New International Version (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.



So, I recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. Here again unmarried having yet another baby out-of-wedlock this one makes 5 children for me. The shame, disappointment, financially out right in poverty for sure. Single mother yet brave to keep the child even though I know I am looked at as a disgrace to some people in society. Because as a Christian I believe God will provide and make a way. His plans are greater than ever could I imagine. And how easy would it be to take a pill and let the shame flush down the toilet or run off bloody into my panties a tiny being a miracle God’s creation if I just let it be and grow inside of me. The choices shouldn’t have to be that of a choice heartache devastation. And yes as a christian I should not have sex before marriage true and kudos to those lucky enough to have been blessed with better choices better life. If it was up to me I would’ve been married at 17 years old and had all of Timothy’s babies lived on a farm with chickens and ducks and went fishing all the time. Yet God knew my life already before I made the bed where I lay in like it or not. I love my life at times and hate it wish I was dead in heaven listening to Tupac sitting next to Mary Magdalene breaking bread with Jesus. What can I say hello I’m sure God didn’t send Jesus down here for nothing duh he knew sinners like us. ME. Need the extra help along the way not saying go ahead sinning God forgives us yet we live in our flesh. Flesh is sinful gotta fight it till the day I die. Repent pray is all I have left to say about that one. A little twisted I know still working on it. I’ve only been baptized for less than two years and was thrown out of the church I attended due to some pompous, judgemental white people. Not literally but I felt like they did. The holy ghost works in my life I would not have made it thus far if it wasn’t for a special specific reason. Okay looking back on some of the things I wrote just now a little blaming others anger and resentment co out sure, take it how you want to take it I will still always be Keila. This short and sweet is dragging out. But I’m having fun and hope whomever is reading this is touched in some way or another. We all fall short and a sin is a sin. God will be the judge of it all. Story short I went to the clinic on the West side down the street from my little casita. I sat alone in the clinic room as the midwife entered in with an elderly student I was fine with her tagging along the midwife. So, I went to a midwife because I thought I would be safer for my “unwanted” pregnancy “they” call it for a check up. First visit should be exciting full of love. NO not for me and this is how it went down….Midwife enters the room with her side kick looks at me sees I’m not jumping for joy no father next to me supporting me holding my hand kissing my cheek. Finger bare hat on bad hair day painting the picture here… asks me some brief questions small talk about asthma how we ALL need air to breath, then explains to me she’s seen my situation before informs me that ABORTION is the number one leading procedure among woman in America and hands me a list A FULL PAGE of where I can go to “take care of my problem”????!!!!!!! WTF am I swore she said earlier that we ALL need air to BREATH and LIVE but here’s a list of places to go it’s still early enough to take the pill ABORTION pill without them having to suck the life out of me LITERALLY. Come on now a sin is a sin I get it I slept with him once unprotected now here I am with child. But to cover a sin on top of a sin tho shall not kill. Enough is enough the pain I bare. Then here comes Jesus to save the day because only God knows what I can handle as I walk out of the valley of death peering down on me I
walk into the light as I see my dominican family an aunt and uncle of mine waiting to be seen in the lobby of the clinic, and it was my birthday they wished me happy birthday because my mother let me breath and across seas back in the day they had tens of kids running around playing it’s cool to have kids. They welcomed the news of my fifth child as a rewarding blessing warm smiles hugs and laughter. Una mujer fuerte con responsabilidades. Ugh sTMI yet it is the truth. Plus look at the real title here changing the mess into greatness. Somebody has to talk about the bad, ugly and the GOOD. That’s all folks. Till next time… Be great and the best you can be. For me I’mma keep shining …this little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine. Jesus take the wheel…

Change of Heart…

At times when everything feels fine, but yet there is a problem ahead of you. It’s okay to say NO.

When No means No. It’s okay to go with your first gut feeling. Open up your eyes and Pray about it. Things happen and when they do there are options. When shit hits the fan and there is no way out or maybe you feel like your in a jam or there is no coming back from something you’ve done did. Throw your hands up and give it to God. Day by day we all make mistakes. That is why tomorrow is a new day full of God’s grace. I do not have a lot of time on my hands to explain everything I’ve been going through however, I threw some insight out there for the young girls growing up in today’s world. 2018 Lets keep making this world great!

A hand full, is right.

As the neighborhood sleeps and all should be quiet. The heart of the city roars! From the sound of the gentle breeze to the moonlight sky giving light.



Genesis 1:12 KJV

12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.


It’s not to often I’ve ran across good cops. A hand full  in my lifetime proven to do what is right and just for the people. Yesterday  finally I met a woman cop helpful, kind and gentle. She was patient and understanding giving the circumstances.  Unlike the quick to judge, trying to hard to make a point power-hungry monsters I’ve cane across or heard of. Finally sad to say I was happy she had my back. To protect and serve the people.
The community to keep safe. I am grateful for the honest hard-working people who have crossed my path. A miracle one might say for me to give the Five Oe’s propes. And short but sweet now a days thankful I didn’t get shot, beat up, mace, threatened for my life’s sake. And with that I’ll pass and keep coming back.

Enough is enough. Good night and may God bless America. Duces peace out.